where has my motivation gone?

this is the situation -- not be tootin' my own horn, kissin' my own butt, suckin' my own - - - - (if i were a boy), but back before college, i was always on top. what i mean by that is that in general, i got the good grades, the high scores, did lotsa extra-curricular stuff, was skinny(er) (HA!) anyway. basically, i had all the ingredients for success, including motivation. no direction, but definitely had the motivation.

now, it's gone. i've lost it all. the grades, the scores, the extra-curricular stuff, the skinniness (though i'm working on that one starting today), and i have definitely lost the motivation. and i think that's the key. motivation is where the other stuff comes from. i guess you can only be directionless for so long before you get lost. maybe that's it. motivation can only take you so far. you need a road and destination, with pit-stops to re-fuel. i just can't find any of 'em.
posted by gaga at 4:06 PM ::

update on gaga's love life (in case you cared): eddie's vacation got approved! woohoo! which still doesn't mean he'll definitely be coming, but the chances are much better. this also means that i need to get back on my diet again. maybe tomorrow...
posted by gaga at 3:15 PM ::

hey, something interesting...i just read that asians tend to be more susceptible to motion sickness than whites or blacks. i guess that partially explains hong and victor and half of adam :)

in addition, empty stomachs are bad and eating fatty meals is even worse (the great healthy breakfasts everyone ate that morning). low-fat and high-protein foods are the best. ginger is good. so is pressing on the inside of your arm 1.5 inches above the wrist in between the two tendons. so...adam, victor, wanna try it again? :)

anyway, back to work (or reading random crap on the internet, same thing).
posted by gaga at 1:47 PM ::

my baby came for two days! thank you cathay pacific for having no flights to hong kong available on friday nite :) and no thank you to the bitch who gave me a ticket for getting excited when i saw my honey and stopped thinking >P that's okay, it was worth it!!!!

anyway, needless to say, i had a wonderful weekend. i'm sad that i missed out on hanging out with everyone when george came down, but sorry guys, i must say that i probably enjoyed my weekend more this way. besides, i heard the highlights and can pretend i was there :)

this chunk of time apart is the second longest time that we've been apart, and i must say, it was tougher than usual, so i'm extra glad that he came. future visits are looking good too. he's trying to come back for a longer period of time some time this summer (just submitted vacation request today). he'll be back again (just for a weekend) in october, then christmas'll be around the corner and then chinese new year and before you know it...he'll be back for good! (maybe)

i think i've decided that i wanna move out there for a while. well, i've decided that i wanna, but whether i can actually go through with it or not, that's a different story. i've always wanted to. but i love asia (or at least what i've seen of it), and when else will i really get a chance to do something like that. living in a place and visiting are definitely different, and i think it'd be a good experience. once a family, house, etc are established, it's harder to do something like that. problem is, i'll be bored outta my mind out there. that's when you guys' responsibility kicks in...come visit!!!
posted by gaga at 1:08 PM ::

YaaAaAAaaaAaaAAaAaAAaAY!

my baby is coming for one whole day!

YaaAaAAaaaAaaAAaAaAAaAY!

posted by gaga at 1:59 PM ::

who made up the rule that if you wear white, you must spill on yourself? i don't like it.
posted by gaga at 11:41 AM ::

okay. this is what i was thinking about yesterday...

there's this boy at work who has kinda been hitting on me here and there, even though he knows I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. anyway. to make things worse, this boy is freakin' old. he has a daughter who is at least 20, been divorced twice and says that he's been smoking for almost 30 years...so with all that info, i can gather he's pretty old. all this is irrelevant.

the point is, i was wearing a skirt at work yesterday, which i haven't done in a while due to the crappy weather. well, he comes into my cube to "chat" and mentions that i'm wearing a skirt and that he's never seen my "stems" (or so he calls 'em) before. then he goes to correct himself and says, "o nothing sexual meant by that" (probably because the nasty look i gave him). this boy is really getting on my nerves these days, but that also, is besides the point.

the real point is that this little incident got me thinking. tell me if you disagree, but i think most girls like being noticed. even if we don't dress the way we do or whatever specifically to get noticed, it's still nice to be, am i right? the thing i don't like is when it is mentioned in a deragatory/sexual manner...

for example: if some guy says, "o, you look nice today." i think most of us girls would take that as a compliment and we would be flattered and happy (even if we do that whole denying/"whatever" thing) or if we catch a guy admiring from afar...that's kinda flattering too. (side note: the cuter the guy, the more flattering it is).

other example: if some guy whistles, or makes a comment like the boy above, or gives some cheesy (the dirty cheesy, not cute cheesy--there is a difference) line, i personally get pissed, and i think most girls are not exactly flattered either and perhaps even insulted (as i am). those are the boys that they tend to give a "who the hell do you think you are" look, turn around and walk away without giving him the time of day. (side note: same rule applies here--the grosser the guy, the more insulting it is).

so, my conclusion is that, as a boy, you may look, you may think whatever the heck you want, but don't show it. that'll just push the girl away (in most cases, depending on the girl, her mood, how drunk she is, etc.) i feel sorry for you guys. it's pretty tough out there for you boys, but then again, things aren't exactly fairy tale land for us girls either...
posted by gaga at 2:47 PM ::

okay peoples...here's a list of ways to make fun of my name :)

Underpantsy Nancy, Nancella, Nurse Nancy, Fancy Nancy, Nanny, Nana, Nanc Nanc with the Ants in her Pants, Nanny Goat, Nano, Nancy Pants, Fancy Pants Nancy, Nancy the Ninny Goat.

go to babynamer.com to find out how we can make fun of your name!
posted by gaga at 9:55 AM ::

i re-joined the boxing club yesterday :)

i'm excited. i was getting my oil changed at a place across the street from the boxing gym, so i decided to walk over, say hello to everyone and see the newly expanded gym. so while i was there chit-chatting, i asked if the rates have gone up. they have. it was already expensive to begin with! anyway. marie (cute asian chick who works there), said she could give me my old price if i came back soon. i knew that if i said that i'd come back soon, i probably wouldn't come back at all because i've been saying that i wanted to go back since i left (december of last year), so i just said, i'll join today. i'm glad i did. i also locked myself into a whole year so that i don't have to rethink and mull over the decision every month whether i wanna continue or not because i know i do.
posted by gaga at 1:28 PM ::

advil is GREAT!
posted by gaga at 2:32 PM ::

today, you will read the sad tale of a little purple hippo.

first, let me give you some background about this little hippo. she is not exactly the "athletic" type. she has flat feet, and all through school, she was excused from running weekly miles because of the pain it caused her when she did. it wasn't until about a year ago that she actually ran an entire mile without stopping, and even then, it took her over 12 minutes to do so. but since that day, the little purple hippo has found a love for running and tries to do 2 mile runs about 3-4 times a week (still at a ridiculously slow pace, but hey, something is better than nothing). and here is where the story begins...

the little purple hippo lives near a lake that has a 5 mile trail that goes around it. inspired by a friend who is training for a marathon, she decided to make running the entire 5 miles her goal. so she set off one sunny afternoon, determined to complete this 5 mile trail, running as much of it as she could and walking what she couldn't. and off she went.

when she reached the 1.5 mile marker, her feet (due to her condition) began to ache, but she thought to herself "no pain, no gain" and didn't wanna get into the habit of breaking promises to herself, so she pushed on. on and on she pushed, getting those stupid little gnats stuck in her face and eyes, swallowing who knows how many of 'em. yet the brave little purple hippo was determined.

as she ran, she was getting excited because she knew she was coming up to the 4 mile mark soon and was about to accomplish the goal that she had set for herself that day. but alas, this is where the tragedy begins.

as she rounded the corner, there was a fence. the fence had a sign. the sign read "Under Construction. Do Not Enter". the poor little hippo's heart sunk. there was no way around it. already very tired, the little hippo was very tempted to just jump into the lake and swim across to the parking lot (which was not far at all), instead of going another 4 miles around.

with no other options, the little hippo relunctantly turned around and headed back. first running, then walking, then limping...she finally made it back to her car--dirty, tired, beat, and in pain.

moral of this story? if you wanna run 5 miles, turn around at the 2.5 mark. it's the same thing.
posted by gaga at 8:01 AM ::

you know what? i've decided that i'm a afraid of success. not success, but responsibility. the reason i say success is because to be successful at your career, you move up the ladder which in turn means more responsibility, and i'm afraid of that. i kinda like being this little peon at work with no real responsibilities. though i don't get the respect, big paycheck, or whatever, that's fine with me. i'm not craving it. just like my dreams of being a waitress or flower-shop girl...motivation there is definitely not respect or money. i'm not power hungry, a little money hungry, but willing to give it up in order to live a relatively stress-free and responsibility-free life. but then that's also selfish me talking...if i had a family, kids, husband, i'd wanna work harder to provide for them.

but i think even if eddie made more than enough money for the both of us, honestly...i think i'd still wanna keep some sort of decent paying job just because i'd feel bad otherwise. he's working so hard while i contribute diddly-squat? that's not fair. flower-shop girl job vs whatever he ends up doing is probably not gonna be a fair tradeoff and i'd have a hard time justifying it when i know that i am capable of better. even an engineering job like mine right now...pretty relaxed, yet decent pay...still not really fair. i feel like i should be trying harder, thinking about getting a raise or even promotion or looking to jump companies to get a higher salary...but then again, i can't really compare it that way because it was his choice, his decision, to go into his industry and that's what he wants to do, so i shouldn't feel obligated to do those things. argh.

on the other hand...a big reason i don't feel obligated to do those things is because i feel safe, that he will provide in the end and i don't really need to try that hard, which brings us back to the beginning of this circle...how i'd feel bad and still want a good paying job even if he makes more than enough money for the both of us...doh!
posted by gaga at 1:28 PM ::

i am so proud of myself. today, i discovered that i can do unassisted dips! wanna know how i found out? if you do, read on...

so, i was in the bathroom at work. there are two sinks in this bathroom, those stand alone kind, not connected by a counter in the middle. anyway, i dunno why i never thought of it before or why i thought about it today, but i decided to use each sink as supports to do a dip. i tried, and i succeeded! and i know i wasn't cheating because i could see in the mirror that i was going all the way down! yes, i'm a weirdo, but a weirdo who can do unassisted dips :)
posted by gaga at 5:22 PM ::